Birmingham has a shopping centre called the Bullring, you should visit this place, just to reinforce how wonderful online shopping is.
Much like Unilever & Kraft controls half the delicious goodness you shove into your disgusting cake hole, Signet group has a decent hold over shiny objects that make women think he must “be the one” if you are willing to brave the Bullring to buy her something.
On the Bullring upper level, lit by heavenly god rays and the blaze of angels, we have Leslie Davis, a brand so exclusive they don’t go in for common activities such as an online store. You are going to be lucky if they even open the door for you. Maybe if you come back in a suit and a job in the city they will think about it.
On the Bullring middle level, where you aspire to be in life, we have Ernest Jones, this is the sort of shop that you nudge the Mrs to stop by and gaze at the window, getting her hopes up that she might actually get a flashy bauble for christmas, and therefore your chance of a cooked tea that evening increases. They will let you in, but you’ll know you don’t belong.
At the Bullring lower level, where the fast food packaging is strewn around your feet and you make the pigeons hop out of the way because *you* are the man in charge here, we have H. Samuel. This is more your level. The shop is coldly, brightly, coarsely lit with strip lighting at a frequency your subconscious can perceive just enough to give you a headache. The staff have a certain urban, street aspect, they are young enough to look good in their suits. You ask to see a few watches, they tell you they can’t take that many out the display case at one time, because thinking you are a thief is a more logical starting point than thinking you are a customer. Believe me guys, I would pop up a few levels if I was going to steal stuff. You ask to take a nice Seiko Kinetic outside so you can see what it looks like away from the sizzling white dwarfs overhead. They decline your request, you thieving scumbag. You suggest they turn the lights off instead then. They look at you like you are insane. You might be.
So you go home and buy the same watch from Amazon instead, £20 cheaper. At no point in the transaction do Amazon infer you are going to steal from them.
To change this article from an Ufff, to a Rejoice, I would like to state how amazing it is to own a watch that; never needs the batteries changing, is insanely accurate, easy to read, easy to use, shower/bath/cenote proof and robust (the last Seiko Kinetic I had lasted 20 years). Glorious Japanese technology. Thanks guys.