Save your old trousers for when you get cancer

Woman in oversized trousers

These days there is a glorious abundance of food available to mankind due to the Haber process and mechanisation of agriculture. If you don’t understand why chocolate packets would ever be resealable you may have noticed your trousers shrinking over the years. Don’t throw them away!

You have roughly a 40% chance of developing an exciting, exotic cancer during your lifetime. I am personally hoping for one that makes me look like an active junkie, constantly running around for my next fix. This will enable me to wear all my old trousers my lard ass could previously no longer fit into, and pretend I had been vintage clothes shopping instead.

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