PSVR Pinball, finally a decent table view

Pinball in vr

Videogame representations of pinball have always had one big problem, how do you map a physical table, a portrait oriented oblong (or “rectangle” if you want to humiliate me like a teacher once did), to a 4:3 or 16:9 landscape TV screen?

You can squish it up into the middle, like a Broad Street tramp wearing little but beer insulation on a winters night, but you will resent that wasted screen real estate.
You scroll around a table over a couple of screens, but you won’t see the bottom half of the table when you are looking at the top, and good luck if you jam the multiball, which is unlikely as you don’t even understand what triggers it.
You could always pull some funky screen rotating shit if you are a member of the PC master race, but who can be bothered with that nonsense for just pinball and a few overrated Jap shoot ’em ups.
Add to this the existential angst of having decide what table angle option to set in the more modern 3D pinballs and you may as well just kill yourself right now, you will never pick the correct angle, you worthless piece of shit.

But salvation is at hand! All it takes is wearing a silly headset and installing in your living room a series of tripwires designed to hurl small children into the pointed corners of the glass coffee table. In PSVR, your field of vision will be comprehensively filled with the pinball table, with only natural head movements needed. And if you use headphones too, you won’t even hear their increasingly weak plaintive moanings either. Nice.

So hats off to Pinball FX2 VR, for fixing this issue that has plagued the living room for 37 years. This is one less reason to ever leave the house, and it also avoids the real life issue of crappy lighting casting a translucent haze over the table glass, which even those idiots at The British Museum and Birmingham Art Gallery don’t seem to realise is a problem. I might write another blog entry about that, and send them the link, although that didn’t elicit much response from Sony when I told them about my Demarvel idea.

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