Only unhappy people play the Lottery

lotto play makes it possible advert

“Play makes it possible” – no, play actually makes it less likely.

The filthy hope machine that is the UK Lottery acts as if it is some benevolent dream maker, whilst secretly manically cackling at the millions of mathematically illiterate losers every week feeding it.

£7,275,200,000 was foolishly flushed away in 2014/2015. £3,915,200,000 was begrudgingly coughed up in winnings by a dodgy old man handing over pound notes very slowly hoping you will get bored and leave when you have enough for a Chinese takeaway. A return rate of 54% – I can’t think of another form of gambling worse than that. Maybe Russian Roulette with 3 bullets in the chamber. If you play the lottery, try that instead.

Look at those people in the picture, all smiling whilst they jump into a swimming pool somewhere sunny. Maybe they are on holiday? How to buy a holiday like this for yourself:

  1. Don’t shit away £4 a week on lottery tickets or junkie like instant gratification scratchcards that you look fucking pitiful buying, barely waiting until you are out of the shop before realising you lost again. Put that money in a large jar instead.
  2. Wait 10 years.
  3. Your jar now contains 52 weeks * 10 years * £4 * 46% loss rate, so roughly £950 you have not jizzed away. An average save of almost £2 a week from not wasting your time on the ridiculous idea that this is good way to fix your life and make you happy.
  4. With that £950 you saved, maybe more, because the world hates you and you never win anything, even though you did win £10 a few years ago, jet off for a week somewhere sunny. Wasn’t that hard was it? What did you really have to do? Not play the lottery.

Sources:
Numbers racket bookkeeping

 

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