I rather like Global Warming so far

Smoking lounge, Copenhagen airport

Global warming is working out pretty well for me personally.

The higher temperatures are a blessing in the UK, an afternoon reading in a killer ant infested sunny meadow, or in a pub beer garden is made all the more pleasant. My gas bills are also lower, so I can talk to old people about their pet subject if I get desperate for conversation.

When I man up and get around to smoking again, unless I happen to be visiting Copenhagen airport which as you can see has a convenient indoor glass walled extermination chamber, I will appreciate the warmer weather when being pushed outside like a damned medieval leper.

What’s the worst that can happen? Crop yield gets screwed over by climate change and food prices go up? I don’t care, my cash reserves are so high I even buy a can of Pringles occasionally, and I don’t think I am alone in this mindset either. After all, people are going out of their way the buy “organic” labelled food which is basically a big “fuck you” to poor brown people. Don’t worry, it doesn’t count as immoral if you don’t realise it!

Since I haven’t selfishly shat out any kids, I always have the moral high ground on environmentalism, and in fact most of the worlds problems. Non breeders should get a badge of some sort, kind of the opposite to the old German one. Still, if we don’t keep crapping out kids that yearned for economic growth/catholic mass attendance quarterly target is going to be a bit harder to achieve, which apparently takes priority over the fact that half the time the air outside my house smells of something burning.

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