General election 2017, voting guide

sickly looking unicorn

Hmmm.

Liberal Democrats:
If they do somehow become king maker again, based on last time they will throw their manifesto promises down the toilet, not even bothering to check for stains after they flush. Free university tuition, I am looking at you. Still, the coalition government from 2010 to 2015 didn’t do much, which is a plus point.

Labour:
If the theory of taxing the fuck out of everything and spending that money made the economy amazing, then the UK would have an amazing economy, which it does, if you ignore that 50 billion a year we spend on debt interest payments. So we are left with just the tax. No thanks.

Conservatives:
Er, I voted for you last time, now like a needy child you want my vote again. Why? so you can ask for my vote again when you next feel like it? Christ, leave me alone.

Greens:
Delusional goat herders.

UKIP:
You would have thought a political party that based its entire existence around leaving Europe might have done a bit of planning about leaving Europe and so could pass these finely tuned plans to the government so everything went smoothly. No chance. Idiots.

SaveTheNHS:
There is always some candidate who thinks the NHS is a magical unicorn shrivelling away through lack of oats. But if you have to wait 2 weeks after the pre-op for the actual operation, maybe it is just an ill looking horse with a traffic cone stuck on its head after all.

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