Airbnb, patronising customers into hating them

Airbnb patronising dialog

I logged into Airbnb to be greeted by the above rage inducing guff:

“Before you continue
Whether it’s your first time using Airbnb or you’re one of our original travellers, please commit to respecting and including everyone in the Airbnb community. Learn more [link to more bullshit]
I agree to treat everyone in the Airbnb community – regardless of their race, religion, national origin, ethnicity, disability, sex, gender identity, sexual orientation, or age – with respect, and without judgement or bias.”

What a load of pretentious bullshit. Did you let some students union rep run the company for a day? and they had nothing of value to add but once got called a name at school, and want to stop the mental scarring of this trauma from occurring to any other snowflake?

Let’s rip this shit apart:
1) “Airbnb community” – you don’t have a community, we don’t all hang around the local post office swapping stories about gas prices or how the bin men trampled your petunias. You have a company because everyone is  sick of being ripped off by hotels, and home owners are trusting and decent enough to let strangers stay in their city centre pads and potentially fuck off your neighbours by playing their drumset until 6am. Admirable and brave.

2) “treat everyone […] regardless of their […] religion […] without judgement” – here is the real problem. You are asking me to overlook someones mentally retarded choice of religion.
I define a religion as such: 1) Does various good works (usually involving fixing church roofs) 2) Will attempt to take your money in various ways (tithes, collection plates, taxes, crusades etc.) 3) Brainwashes you to believe a load of unsubstantiated nonsense (magic flood punishments, that a man in the sky can hear your prayers and ignores them for various logic defying reasons, that this dog leg bone is from a saint, that your religious book isn’t better used as toilet paper etc).
So if someone of adult age hasn’t figured out that this exploitative nonsense, you are damned right I am going to judge them a little. But I will probably stop short of killing them unless they convert to atheism.

3) This is easy, let’s do another with less ellipsis:
“treat everyone regardless of their sex or age without bias” – so no offering to help carry their heavy luggage because they are female and elderly? Wow, that’s a pretty heartless attitude Airbnb, you should probably start a religion.

4) “gender identity” – oh just fuck right off!

5) “national origin” – I am honestly more likely to trust someone visiting me from Iceland, rather than some gypsy whose entire economic model seems based around having kids you can’t look after, then having them slumped at your feet without even a book to keep them occupied, and sitting on your arse begging for money in the Athens metro. How about this for an alternate plan: Grab some gloves and a bunch of bin bags, wander around the city cleaning up, wearing a sign that says “Unemployed, but I am tidying up litter to make myself useful. Spare change appreciated”, then maybe throwing your “what’s a contraceptive?” sprogs at a school, so they can aspire to something a little better than their useless parents.

In summary, I’ll do what I think is moral, rather than agreeing to what politically correct nonsense you lot spew out. Also, no Asians.

List of things which aren’t real

Victorian ghost

Here are a list of things, which aren’t real. I hope you find this list useful in your life’s decisions:
Ghosts – although this one is good for getting kids to go to otherwise dull national trust houses.
Psychic ability/spoon bending magic – and anything else that knobling Uri Geller professes.
Graphology – handwriting analysis. Despite the hard-on the BBC has for it.
The Bermuda Triangle – child of the 1970’s.
Bigfoot – there are other ways to explain that matted piece of trash panda shit you found in the woods.
Gods – this one can save you some serious cash/time/childhood abuse.
Dowsing – My and a mate once spent an afternoon doing this, we were convinced it was real. I was 18. The shame.

I still have a soft spot for phrenology, though this is born from having seen the inbreeding and evolutionary pressures of residents of Gornal Wood, leading to an increased forehead skull thickness, used in the violent, drunken, headbutting rituals of the local public houses.

Sources: If you gave a shit about decent sources, you wouldn’t believe half the crap you do, so let’s not waste anyone’s time here, ok?

Overpopulation, cause of all the problems

[No picture for this one, just look out the window]

It’s not a difficult conclusion to make, if you have ever lived in a city, or on planet Earth in general. Most of the worlds problems are caused by too many people, let’s list a few easy ones:
General pollution, pressure on clean water supplies.
General environmental destruction, deforestation caused by increased demand for food, other resources.
Birmingham city centre being a busy, noisy, mental illness inducing, hellhole.
Traffic jams for half the day.
Climate change – too late, but less people = less carbon in atmosphere.
House prices – only so much land to use.

I once told this to a real life lady in a pub, her immediate response was that population control would mean no babies, and the extinction of the human race. What a dozy cow. Presumably she never went on a diet either, because then she would starve to death.

The politicians are too pathetically chicken to address this issue, but when you get paid outrageous wages and get to have a chauffeur, the poverty and traffic jam aspects don’t bother you I guess. Pussies. Governments in Russia and Japan are actually encouraging more mewling balls of snot, which has to be the laziest way to get economic growth.

Maybe rising living standards will sort this out, but if you ever bet your civilisation on a TED talk, you are on a risky path.

Oh well fuck it, I haven’t selfishly crapped out any kids, so you lot can sort your own mess out.

Movie producers, hire multiple composers

Rogue one promo shot

Rogue One is a muddled, patched together mess, as if half the dailies were lost in a film vault fire before editing. Still, it does have a pretty kick ass third act, it would be even better if the score was in any way memorable.

90% of all music is shit. You only remember 1960’s music being any good because time has done us the service of filtering away all the tuneless dirge. That’s all good music is, a memorable tune. With a film, you get a few hours to push a catchy theme to the audience, if they don’t know it by the third act, you have done fucked up. Hum some music from Star Wars? Easy. Lord of the Rings? Easy. Zulu? Easy. Avatar? No chance.

You overlay that catchy music on the pivotal scenes – BAM! Instant extra emotional involvement from the audience, which is the entire point of all films. So why, when you have a billion dollars on the line, would you risk having an unhummable film score? Deliver your edit to three renowned composers, pay them £100k each, pick the best one and hand that composer an extra £400k. Hell, pick 10 composers with no down payment, you might actually find some new talent. You just made your film significantly better, for little effort. Stick the other tracks on the bluray, so some pretentious twat can claim he likes the tuneless shit version better in 20 years time.

I recall playing Halo 4 and humming the Halo theme, and I had to hum it, because that abortion of a game didn’t deliver it. An even greater sin when you do this to a Star Wars film. I suspect it wouldn’t be particularly hard to score that film from the vast tracts of Star Wars music already available, slap it on youtube, and be hailed a genius.

M film commentary, ridiculous and wrong

Thinking that the BFI bluray commentary track of “M”  by Anton Kaes and Eric Rentschler might be more than two ivory tower cocooned idiots trying to one up each other, I foolishly listened to it. Six minutes in and this pretentious bullshit struck me, listen to the shaky potato cam video above if you don’t believe me:

“Notice here the composition, the bending of the figure, of the shadow, matching graphically the bending of the mother, who curiously also has a knife in her hand. This is a film that is establishing links with characters that are surprisingly not obvious”.

The mother is bending down and has a knife in her hand because she is preparing a meal!! Any link between scenes you have deliriously made up, because you once had to do a thousand word essay on M and this is the sort of shit that somehow would get you a decent grade!

The commentary is filled with nonsense like this, like two immature teenagers with low self esteem desperately trying to impress. They should visit the Ikon Gallery.