Amazon Prime UI is a sloppy mess

Jesus Christ, take a look at what I noticed. I should charge them £50 an hour for this:

1. UHD & HD seasons are listed separately

You know how in Netflix, you select what you want to watch, and it will play in 4k with HDR, or 1080p, or whatever the best it can do on your TV? Yeah, well on prime (no capital P, you don’t deserve it), no such joy. 1080p for you if you wanted to watch a show without doing a search for it first!! Assuming they even put the UHD logo on correctly, which sometimes they don’t.

Root cause guess: Probably some horrible back end architecture reason why this is done. Yuck.

2. Double subtitles

If the program has a character who is unintelligible, because he blew off his face with a shotgun, they automatically show subtitles for that. BUT if you have subtitles turned on, you might get them twice.

Root cause guess: Subtitle team is sleepwalking.

3. Gibberish text in descriptions

Yes, I took as much effort is taking this photo as the Amazon crew did with writing the description. Laziness is catching.

Root cause guess: Some character set conversion issue, proof reading is not my job.

4. Subtitles over credits

Netflix (try them, they are 1/2 as shit as prime), have a way of pushing subtitles to the top of the screen to avoid this.

Root cause guess: No control over subtitle positioning/not giving a fuck.

5. Down from K on keypad doesn’t move cursor down

Down from K on the keypad moves to M, so when you try and select Space, you hit M instead.

Root cause guess: Lack of oxygen at birth.

6 to 100. I could do this for a living…

The amount of bad UI decisions is legion, here are some more:

The search is too wide horizontally, make it higher so I have to click around less. Or just go all in, and make it 30 characters across, and 1 down.
Numerous typos in subtitles. Someone’s keyboard has a faulty spacebar too, because wordsarefrequentlyconcatenated.
Whoever mixes the HDR versions of your shows needs to calm down. Turning all the dials up to max isn’t arty, it is just ugly. JCVJ is a case in point.
Fast forwarding and rewinding is clunky.
Skips credits by default, can only be changed via website. Fuck the end credit music and all those people who made the show, they don’t deserve to be known, right?

And breathe… <exhales>.

Fundraiser for unknown rappers getting shot

The implausibly named “Nipsey Hussle” was the most recent of such a long list of rappers shot dead that they have their own wiki list. It is unfortunate that they only get any press when someone puts a bullet in them. Every year I read a headline like “Rapper XXXTentacion shot dead in Florida, police say”, and I wonder who the fuck they were. This will continue to be the case until Eminem or Snoop Dog dies.

Let’s streamline the whole rapper career process and organise a “Fundraiser for unknown rappers getting shot” benefit gig. Every rapper who “sings” at the event, can sign a dated autograph, which can then be ebayed immediately after the inevitable shooting at the gig. Stick a few police around, so they might actually have a chance of catching someone (if they can tear themselves away from people saying bad words on Twitter).

The only other group of people who die to a collective bemused shoulder shrug are those that have lived so long, everyone has forgotten who they were by the time they die. Who will be so eloquent for Olivia de Havilland?

Consenting adults not allowed

*this* is illegal

“Dr Evil” is going in the pokey for 40 months for the victimless crime of chopping some idiots ear off.

Someone who agreed to it. Someone who paid money for it. Someone who probably makes terrible life decisions all the time.

Admittedly, I don’t particularly want to walk down the street (certainly not Wolverhampton)  and see someone with no ears, but tough shit for me. I’ll risk seeing nutters & Niki Lauda, it’s hardly a big ask.

The judge said “it was not in the public interest that a person could wound another for no good reason” – better not tell him about the sport of boxing I guess.

Fucking nanny state.

NatWest/ShatWest, rage inducingly useless

Corrected natwest logo

The ass clownery of ShatWest* business banking/fuckwittery knows no bounds, here’s a list that I am typing to feel better when I should be sleeping/wanking:

Reticent to let go of your money once they have their filthy paws on it

You’ll need a card reader to be able to transfer any money out, but they won’t send you one, you have to request it. And then request it again. And then again. About 3 weeks later you will get 3 turn up at your house, then maybe you can actually send money out of your business bank account.

Like half my exes, they avoid answering the phone

You call at 7pm, wait around for 10 mins then give up.
They claim to be “experiencing high volume of calls” – but since this message playback is always on by default, the logical conclusion is they are just understaffed and hope you go away. Except the only way to get a cheque book sent to you is to call them. Maybe change the message to “we have your money, now fuck off and stop bothering us” – more honest.

If you stop staring at your mobile, they bounce your cheques

This is the one that really made their idiocy plain:


Yeah, £12k of my cash that I had to trade part of my increasingly slim mental health for, like a Johnny Mnemonic slowly descending into spasticity.

I am working (don’t judge me, it is not something I am proud of) and these fools give me 2.5 hours to respond to a text, or they will decline a cheque!?!??
Yeah, if I am not hunched over my phone, like all the sponge brained chimps who designed this system, I have to write another cheque? Apparently so. Fuck a doodle do.

*Maybe* I am working somewhere I can’t just whip out my mobile.
*Maybe* I have to have it on silent.
*Maybe* I don’t really like mobiles, and don’t consider it necessary to tape one to my groin, waiting for the next message to stimulate me.
*Maybe* I only look at it when I go for a shit in the late afternoon.

*Not maybe* Natwest are a bunch of useless cunts, who you should avoid trying to do business with.


*Credit for the term “ShatWest” goes to Simon Peterkin who had the displeasure of working for them once upon a time. He used to count the money they were probably hoarding whilst their customers vainly tried to get it back from them.


The 1989 Gameboy has higher pixel density than the Switch

gameboy tetris

The original Nintendo Gameboy from 1989, had a pixel density per inch of 82.79. The Nintendo Switch, using dynamic resolution for Xenoblade Chronicles 2, has a pixel density per inch of 59.35. That’s 368 vertical pixels divided by a 6.2″ screen.

So a game from 1989 has higher pixel than one from 2017.
82 vs 59.
28 years of tech improvement and Nintendo cost cutting in perfect harmony.

Nintendo will fix this be doing a die shrink, and possibly GPU tech bump on the Switch, and forcing it to run in docked mode when portable, the fashionable mid cycle hardware bump. Then you might actually get 720p.

I learnt the art of misleading titles by reading the Daily Telegraph. Where you’d read the title of an article, and the actual article would be the opposite.