CEX has higher standards than me

cracked iphone4

A few months ago, engaging in my quest to own as little as possible, in order to have to clean as little as possible, in order to sit at home playing video games as much as possible, I went to CEX to sell my iphone4.

Their website said I could pocket £40 odd quid, for a device which runs a browser clunkily, is a decent podcast machine, a fucking terrible itunes crippled music player and only ever had about 2 decent games. All I had to do was visit a shop that plays shit music loudly and smells of piss, taking me closer to the chav lifestyle, rounding my personality, making me less of a monster.

So I visit in a weekday afternoon, like a true job shy CEX punter. They take the iphone4, say they need to run a few tests, fair enough. I wander around the local pound shops, imaging that I could empty half the establishment of swag for the mountain of coin that will shortly be tumbling my way.

20 mins later, back in the land of CSI box sets, they inform me they can’t take it, apparently it has a crack or a chip on the back, invisible to my elderly, cripple eyes. I suggest they didn’t really want it anyway, they reasonably state that is not true, as buying and selling is how they make cash.

So I look at my iphone4, it looks it pretty good nick to me, but CEX, which smells of piss, has higher standards than me. Christ, what must my house smell like? ūüôĀ

Gameboy and Gameboy Advance Classic Mini


First we has the NES Classic Mini, or didn’t, because Nintendo only made 8 of them.

Then we had the SNES Classic Mini, the first Mini version with games that weren’t just fondly remembered trash.

The wisdom of the idiotic crowds at Neogaf suggest that next up is N64 Classic Mini, but this ignores the fact that Nintendo is going to balk at the minor cost of adding a couple of those N64 pads and a more powerful ARM chip and exploit something else first.

So next will be the Gameboy Classic Mini, which will finally mean we have a GB with a decent screen and a huge battery life. If this was Sony, they’d throw in an OLED screen, but Nintendo’s solipsism will take over and they’ll cheap out and it’ll be LCD with dead pixels instead. Hell, they’ll probably even take the opportunity to reduce the flash storage to save .5p per unit. You might get a bluetooth audio connection.

After that we’ll get the Gameboy Advance Mini, then the N64, followed by the Gamecube, because technology advancement is the one of many things in life that gets better with every passing year.

Sony meanwhile is readying there own version of PS1 Classic Mini, but is having a hard time mimicking the texture warping in software, for all the multitudinous millions who are too lazy to set up Retropie.

So for posterity, here is the timeline:
2016 – NES Classic Mini
2017 – SNES Classic Mini
2018? – Game Boy Classic Mini
2019?- Game Boy Advance Classic Mini/ Playstation 1 Classic Mini
2020? – N64 Classic Mini
2021? – Gamecube Classic Mini/ Playstation 2 Classic Mini

Not pirated, Star Trek Discovery review

star trek discovery

Lawrence of Arabia is widely regarded as one of the greatest films ever made and has no women speaking in it. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

So it was brave of the new Star Trek Discovery to have the 2nd scene be the preposterous idea of two women*, talking to each other, about something other than a man. I realise its set in a make believe science fiction far future, but something a little less far fetched wouldn’t have gone amiss. I can only suspend disbelief so far.

On the plus side, the fashion for draining all the colour from the picture has been cast aside, and a gorgeous riot of colour assaulted my eyes. It might be the best looking TV show ever, even more so than The Forms of Things Unknown.

I was hugely entertained by the entire show. It had lots of explosions, no one did anything idiotic and my attention was rapt. Unlike the other recent superb Trek series The Orville, thanks to it being on Netflix, I can legitimately review this one without it being obvious I pirated it.

*although one of them is called Michael, which I can only assume got mixed up with Michelle somewhere at the script stage, and no-one spotted it because they were too busy putting funny teeth in the scary looking Klingons.


600 video games complete, my wasted life


The above link will open a google sheets spreadsheet, detailing the 600 video games I have completed in lieu of leading a normal, balanced, healthy life. Also a completely accurate, objective rating out of 10.

The below link will do something similar, detailing the glorious worlds I have lived in and conquered. The beauty defying vistas, musical triumphs and incredible technical feats that were tirelessly created over years by teams I happily gave my money to.


Perhaps I can get to 1000 completed before I rot away to nothingness.

A high divorce rate is admirable

Bruges, from that funny film

Having been dubiously informed that half the people in Athens are divorced, I came across the following exciting wikipedia entry, which although proclaiming to list the divorce marriage ratio, actually lists how much of a backwards shithole your country is.

Let’s take a look at some of the ¬†countries with a divorce rate of less than 10%: Libya,¬†Bahamas, Tajikistan, Syria.
First off Libya Рnow ruled by militias, because the UK helped bomb the government into dust. Trash a government, and the AK-47 wielding unemployed youth get all uppity. Who knew?
Bahamas – high murder rate, awful cooking.
Tajikistan – any country ending with “stan” is terrible.
Syria – used to be quite nice until we¬†supported the terrorists against the government and turned the place into another shithole. Again. Sorry about that. Please don’t stab me in the street. I didn’t personally do it, although I did pay taxes to help, so I guess I am to blame a little. Thinking about it, maybe this is UK economic policy. Ruin other countries, to make ours look good.

But¬†I didn’t mean to slag off British foreign bombing policy, I meant to say this:
Men generally don’t need to bother with divorce, it costs us a fortune, lowers the chance of a decent breakfast, and we know after a good argument with the Mrs we¬†will get brilliant make up sex. Nice. So only a woman who is truly sick and tired of her husbands bullshit will get divorced. But if your country isn’t really a fan of the whole “woman as humans” concept then chances are she won’t have a job, her¬†signature is worth less than her¬†husbands, and good luck having your own bank account with anything in it.
So nations where woman *can and do* get divorced, are obviously more civilised.

I did consider the aspect that superb childhood education will teach adults to live together in blissful, respectful harmony, and maybe Libya just has some incredible schools, but then I punched myself in the face for such a stupid thought.

Also, top divorce rate at 71% – Belgium.