Kirsty

Kirsty, acrylic on canvas

Kirsty, 2015.
Acrylic on canvas.

The only reason any non gaylord male learns to paint is to pull chicks. If you can somehow get them drunk enough/trick them, you may be able to get a nudie photo. If you post the photo online, it is “revenge porn” according to some retarded UK law. If you post the painting, it is “art”. I assume Readers Wives is no longer in business. I ordered a custom frame because the closest I had was a few centimetres out, and I dare not do anything in the least bit creative in these paintings.

Penny

Penny, acrylic on canvas

Penny, 2012.
Acrylic on canvas.

I painted this picture of a friends wife’s dog. Then they broke up, so obviously I had to take his side, and couldn’t Brutusly back stab him by giving her the picture. So I kept it. All the bits that look hard were easy (fur, collar), all the bits that look easy were hard (background). As usual I took about an hour trying to get the signature right. I should buy a pen for that bit.

Percy

Percy, acrylic on canvas

Percy, 2012.
Acrylic on canvas.

My next door neighbour at the impressive age of 89, before he inconsiderately died before I got around to giving him the picture.
His fancy woman was only 87, and they had dated for 10 years, so I gave the picture to her. They used to walk to school together when he was 12, circa 1935. That’s an impressive long game he played there. I took notes.
I have accurately rendered the white hair sticking out of his nose (click the picture for more old man nose detail) but I made up the medieval style god rays emanating from behind.