Kirsty, acrylic on canvas

Kirsty, 2015.
Acrylic on canvas.

The only reason any non gaylord male learns to paint is to pull chicks. If you can somehow get them drunk enough/trick them, you may be able to get a nudie photo. If you post the photo online, it is “revenge porn” according to some retarded UK law. If you post the painting, it is “art”. I assume Readers Wives is no longer in business. I ordered a custom frame because the closest I had was a few centimetres out, and I dare not do anything in the least bit creative in these paintings.


Penny, acrylic on canvas

Penny, 2012.
Acrylic on canvas.

I painted this picture of a friends wife’s dog. Then they broke up, so obviously I had to take his side, and couldn’t Brutusly back stab him by giving her the picture. So I kept it. All the bits that look hard were easy (fur, collar), all the bits that look easy were hard (background). As usual I took about an hour trying to get the signature right. I should buy a pen for that bit.


Percy, acrylic on canvas

Percy, 2012.
Acrylic on canvas.

My next door neighbour at the impressive age of 89, before he inconsiderately died before I got around to giving him the picture.
His fancy woman was only 87, and they had dated for 10 years, so I gave the picture to her. They used to walk to school together when he was 12, circa 1935. That’s an impressive long game he played there. I took notes.
I have accurately rendered the white hair sticking out of his nose (click the picture for more old man nose detail) but I made up the medieval style god rays emanating from behind.