Religions oppose gay marriage so they can pull gays easier

Baby baptism

Religions have a history of trying to keep the agonies of marriage between a man and a woman through legislation. This isn’t just a selfless act of kindness you may expect from organisations that regularly convince their poor, stupid members that tithing to them is a great idea.

Most married people will denote their status with a ring, necklace or the dead eyes of a crushed soul, yearning for freedom.

So when the religious priests go out on the pull, to gay nightclubs, pub car parks, airline cabin crew training courses etc. they can look for the rings and steer clear of the breeders who are not worth talking to.

If the gays (or to use the correct term, “the gayers”) were allowed to marry, those religious types would have a harder time to identify cuddle buddies, and probably just head for the first person under 12 they saw instead.

Traffic lights need a cancel button

Post apocalyptic looking traffic light crossing panel

This post apocalyptic looking traffic light panel (don’t worry, it’s just what Halesowen looks like) needs a cancel button.

Example scenario:
Stand by traffic lights, grimacing at the fumes and noise.
Press the magic button, multiple times, because you don’t trust the feedback given.
See a gap in the traffic, peg it across the road, inwardly congratulate yourself on saving 30 seconds of your life you can spend surfing reddit later.
Shamefully glancing behind you, watch as the lights turn red and all the cars obediently stop, even though no one now actually wants to cross.
Wish there was a cancel button you could have pressed when you got to the other side so that the 5 cars now waiting could have spent 30 seconds extra surfing reddit when they got home.

Now admittedly, there are probably a few more scenarios here to consider, but since the morning rush hour lasts approximately until the afternoon rush hour, every piece of optimisation is useful.

4 ways your mobile phone habits reflect your personality

iPhone 4 box

    1. Have mobile phone insurance? You are probably a flaky alcoholic
      How hard is it to keep an object and not;
      drop it down the toilet?
      lose it on a night out?
      tread on it at home? It is *easy*. Unless you consistently get drunk, and spend a decent amount of your time staggering around like a concussion grenade has exploded next to your K cider cans (those also being a red flag). Like all insurance, it is a bad bet, so just stop it.
    2. You run out of credit? You are unreliable
      It isn’t exactly rocket science to keep a number greater than zero by the periodic throwing of small amounts of cash at it. Create a monthly to do list, and add “sort yourself out” to it. I bet you can’t turn up to meetings on time either.
    3. Own two phones/Sim cards? You are a slag
      One for the bitch you is with, one for the bitch you is seeing later?
      Don’t pretend one is for work either.
      See also, Mad Men and the “executive account”.
    4. Have a phone contract? You are shit with money
      Save up and buy a phone instead. Can’t afford to? Buy a second hand one from your local chav shop. Living with an unnecessary future financial obligation is foolish. Buy everything outright, or don’t buy it. If ever you are tempted to walk into BrightHouse, punch yourself in the face until the brain damage is corrected.