Theistic door knocking encounter

2/8/2019

<Opens front door>
“Hello, we would like to invite you to our Jehovah’s Witness meeting!”
<attempts to hand over leaflet>
“No thanks, we don’t believe in the gods in this household.”
“What?”
“We don’t believe in the gods”
“What gods?”
“My point exactly”
<Closes door, goes back to watching Battle Bots, skipping Faruq Tauheed sections>

At least they didn’t scream at me through a Megaphone, unlike those obnoxious Muslims in the sensory shithole that is Birmingham.

Amazon Prime UI is a sloppy mess

Jesus Christ, take a look at what I noticed. I should charge them £50 an hour for this:

1. UHD & HD seasons are listed separately

You know how in Netflix, you select what you want to watch, and it will play in 4k with HDR, or 1080p, or whatever the best it can do on your TV? Yeah, well on prime (no capital P, you don’t deserve it), no such joy. 1080p for you if you wanted to watch a show without doing a search for it first!! Assuming they even put the UHD logo on correctly, which sometimes they don’t.

Root cause guess: Probably some horrible back end architecture reason why this is done. Yuck.

2. Double subtitles

If the program has a character who is unintelligible, because he blew off his face with a shotgun, they automatically show subtitles for that. BUT if you have subtitles turned on, you might get them twice.

Root cause guess: Subtitle team is sleepwalking.

3. Gibberish text in descriptions

Yes, I took as much effort is taking this photo as the Amazon crew did with writing the description. Laziness is catching.

Root cause guess: Some character set conversion issue, proof reading is not my job.

4. Subtitles over credits

Netflix (try them, they are 1/2 as shit as prime), have a way of pushing subtitles to the top of the screen to avoid this.

Root cause guess: No control over subtitle positioning/not giving a fuck.

5. Down from K on keypad doesn’t move cursor down

Down from K on the keypad moves to M, so when you try and select Space, you hit M instead.

Root cause guess: Lack of oxygen at birth.

6 to 100. I could do this for a living…

The amount of bad UI decisions is legion, here are some more:

The search is too wide horizontally, make it higher so I have to click around less. Or just go all in, and make it 30 characters across, and 1 down.
Numerous typos in subtitles. Someone’s keyboard has a faulty spacebar too, because wordsarefrequentlyconcatenated.
Whoever mixes the HDR versions of your shows needs to calm down. Turning all the dials up to max isn’t arty, it is just ugly. JCVJ is a case in point.
Fast forwarding and rewinding is clunky.
Skips credits by default, can only be changed via website. Fuck the end credit music and all those people who made the show, they don’t deserve to be known, right?

And breathe… <exhales>.

AI upscaling is amazing!

AI upscaling is fantastic, and it’s only a matter of time before a service that magics the DVDs you put in your PC, PS5 and lets you view them upscaled a while later.

Holy fuck look at this:

using Topaz Gigapixel AI upscales to this:

Now we are on less sure footing for making fun of those “Enhance” scenes from Blade Runner et al.

The Twilight Zone DVD framecap (ironically available on bluray anyway) changed from this:

To this:

Although, everyone will have weird teeth.
It will be like Westworld, where you need to look at the hands to see if they are a robot or not.

Officially “Living in the future”.

Fundraiser for unknown rappers getting shot

The implausibly named “Nipsey Hussle” was the most recent of such a long list of rappers shot dead that they have their own wiki list. It is unfortunate that they only get any press when someone puts a bullet in them. Every year I read a headline like “Rapper XXXTentacion shot dead in Florida, police say”, and I wonder who the fuck they were. This will continue to be the case until Eminem or Snoop Dog dies.

Let’s streamline the whole rapper career process and organise a “Fundraiser for unknown rappers getting shot” benefit gig. Every rapper who “sings” at the event, can sign a dated autograph, which can then be ebayed immediately after the inevitable shooting at the gig. Stick a few police around, so they might actually have a chance of catching someone (if they can tear themselves away from people saying bad words on Twitter).

The only other group of people who die to a collective bemused shoulder shrug are those that have lived so long, everyone has forgotten who they were by the time they die. Who will be so eloquent for Olivia de Havilland?

Consenting adults not allowed

*this* is illegal

“Dr Evil” is going in the pokey for 40 months for the victimless crime of chopping some idiots ear off.

Someone who agreed to it. Someone who paid money for it. Someone who probably makes terrible life decisions all the time.

Admittedly, I don’t particularly want to walk down the street (certainly not Wolverhampton)  and see someone with no ears, but tough shit for me. I’ll risk seeing nutters & Niki Lauda, it’s hardly a big ask.

The judge said “it was not in the public interest that a person could wound another for no good reason” – better not tell him about the sport of boxing I guess.

Fucking nanny state.