Stop helping red squirrels

Fox holding a dead squirrel

Stop helping red squirrels by discriminating against grey squirrels.

Red squirrels have the same opportunities as grey ones. They live in the same environment (trees), they eat the same food, they are both tasty treats for foxes, they have the same education, unless red squirrel fathers are absent and that causes them problems? Anyway, all this adds up to – don’t disadvantage grey squirrels because the reds can’t get their shit together as a race, er, I mean a species of squirrel.

In my youth there was a friendly grey squirrel living behind the garden that was eventually tame enough, after much coaxing, to tentatively snatch nuts from my hand. Apparently instead of feeding this clever fellow, I should have stamped the little fucker into the mud with a Dr Martens boot, because red squirrels have a bunch of bleeding heart liberals backing them up who want me to fuck over grey squirrels because that makes life fair?

The government loves any opportunity to shit away more of your cash too. Oh yes, there’s always a little project here or there that is a special case and needs funding despite the national debt servicing costing £50 billion a year.

Next time I visit the Isle of Wight I’m releasing my personal cache of grey squirrels, then we can see some true equality in action. Affirmative action is always against someone, and that kind of bullshit needs to stop.

I rather like Global Warming so far

Smoking lounge, Copenhagen airport

Global warming is working out pretty well for me personally.

The higher temperatures are a blessing in the UK, an afternoon reading in a killer ant infested sunny meadow, or in a pub beer garden is made all the more pleasant. My gas bills are also lower, so I can talk to old people about their pet subject if I get desperate for conversation.

When I man up and get around to smoking again, unless I happen to be visiting Copenhagen airport which as you can see has a convenient indoor glass walled extermination chamber, I will appreciate the warmer weather when being pushed outside like a damned medieval leper.

What’s the worst that can happen? Crop yield gets screwed over by climate change and food prices go up? I don’t care, my cash reserves are so high I even buy a can of Pringles occasionally, and I don’t think I am alone in this mindset either. After all, people are going out of their way the buy “organic” labelled food which is basically a big “fuck you” to poor brown people. Don’t worry, it doesn’t count as immoral if you don’t realise it!

Since I haven’t selfishly shat out any kids, I always have the moral high ground on environmentalism, and in fact most of the worlds problems. Non breeders should get a badge of some sort, kind of the opposite to the old German one. Still, if we don’t keep crapping out kids that yearned for economic growth/catholic mass attendance quarterly target is going to be a bit harder to achieve, which apparently takes priority over the fact that half the time the air outside my house smells of something burning.